“Smiley kept smiling they say.
Has a smile on his face night and day.
In his undies he’d stroke,
His tumescent spoke,
And shake all his troubles away.”Uh oh… looks like Mr. Happy is going to his Happy Place! This large plush figure is shaped like everyone’s favorite tumescent playmate, complete with smiley face, smiley tie, smiley boxers, and curly locks at the bottom. Weighted at the bottom so he stands firm all on his own (9.5 inches)!
“The little bird said with a sigh
‘I’m in desperate need of a guy.’
So she went to the doctor’s,
and got some big knockers,
And now the poor thing can’t fly.”The dashing Robin Red Breasts is featured in all her bosomy glory with this fuzzy plush figure from the Obscenies. Cute and cuddly, weighted at the bottom so she stands on her own (we know, we should say she’d be top-heavy too).
“There once was a rampaging Hun,
a rampant all-conquering one.
They’d complain in the valley
where he’d plunder and dally
that his satchel weighed nearly a ton.”The pillaging Scrotilla the Hun is shown in all his leather-clad glory with this hilarious plush figure, complete with chains, straps, furry beard and embroidered face. Weighted at the bottom so he stands firm all on his own (nine inches)!
“There once was a terrible beast
Who was feared from the west to the east
He invaded the bush
and the occasional tush
And considered it all a big feast.”The fearsome Penisaurus stands tall in all his veiny glory with this pink polyester plush figure. Weighted at the bottom so he stands firm all on his own (9.5 inches)!
Don’t worry – you weren’t the only one who was naughty this year! Happy Holidays!
I don’t really know the answer to that question. I just laid the bass down carefully on the sofa next to me and started thinking about what I might have to say now that we are re-launching Obscenies.
I guess what I want people to know is that this is genuinely something I came up with. My friends and family might not want people to know but thanks to those pesky European hackers, its too late. Obscenies are real. Obscenies are rock. You probably want to know what my bandmates think of this. I’m not actually sure. They smile knowingly. I think they lay awake at night and wish that they thought of it first. Heh heh.
Anyway check this stuff out. It’s all really well made (especially the limericks). There’s a whole town in China that does nothing but craft Obscenies (and their related merch). They’re great gifts although they are very absorbent so watch out how you use them. Wouldn’t want to show up at an emergency room with…..
No display them proudly because they actually are the result of something I thought of onstage before my distracted mind came back to whatever song we we’re playing. Daydreaming is dangerous.
TH
